Gwynn Raimondi, MA

Secular Blessing for Becoming Unleashed 2018

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The work of a lifetime, the process of individuation, is widening of that spotlight so much that everything is illuminated and you are conscious of and can see your All.

~Sera J. Beak, The Red Book: A Deliciously Unorthodox Approach to Igniting Your Divine Spark

May we…

Unravel our stories of not enough, seeing in them the lies we have been told that have nothing to do with us.

Revolt against the idea that comfort at any and all costs is necessary for our survival

Dismantle the shame we carry in our bones and being

Embrace our beauty, our power, our voice

Realize we no longer need to compromise our integrity, our values, our love for our Self, in order to be loved by another

Release the tales of how we are too much and allow them to scatter on the wind like so much dust

Reclaim our birthrights of respect, honor, and real, honest, and mature love.

Learn to be accepting of the in-between spaces and unknowns as we move through this work, through our lives, through this world.

Find the ways of being that strong, resilient, soft, and loving that have always lived inside us.

Amen.

…

There is still time to join the Becoming Unleashed Circle 2018.  Registration will close at 10pm PDT Monday October 1.  To learn more and register you can go to http://gwynnraimondi.com/becomingunleashedcircle .

In case you missed the essays exploring the topics and ideas we’ll be examining in this circle, you can find them at the links below:

The Impacts of Inter-generational & Cultural Relational Traumas

Releasing our stories of too much, not enough, & shame

The Goo: A time of Renewal, Restructuring, Re-evolving

Reclaiming our power, strength, & daring 

Why the Becoming Unleashed circle?

The essence of Becoming Unleashed

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) 

Power of community

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The last few weeks have been interesting. An admitted sexual predator took the White House. We have seen blatant attempts at gaslighting by the White House press secretary. Hundreds of thousands of women ACROSS THE GLOBE on ALL seven continents marched for women’s rights. And then all the executive orders that have been flying at us, including a ban on refugees and immigrants from Muslim countries.  And during all of this I have been checking in with various feminist spaces, connecting and witnessing and observing.

I have witnessed both curious and beautiful discussion and learning as well as shaming and silencing.

I have watched people give advice or their opinions when it wasn’t asked for.

I have watched boundaries being crossed and consent being disregarded.

I have watched people clam up and/or get defensive and go on attack.

I have watched as some express their valid pain and rage and frustration.

And some of this has been online and some of it in person and some of it between adults and some of it with my children as they work out their own relationship of mutual respect and consent.

And where I’m landing in this moment, is we all have a lot of work to do.

And yes I mean the macro work of calling representatives and getting our hands and minds and bodies busy volunteering and doing the work of resisting and disrupting this new administration at every turn.

And I also mean we all, and I do mean WE ALL and I am most definitely including myself in this, have a lot of inner work still to do too.

We need to look at our own internalized misogyny.

We need to look at all our implicit biases.

We need to examine the ways each of us have silenced or shamed or gaslighted another, whether it was intentional or conscious or not.

We need to build our resilience.

We need to have a deep and clear and embodied understanding of consent and boundaries.

And we need to learn to sit in discomfort and know we’ll all live if we make a mistake or turn out to be in the wrong in some way.

We each have a lot of unlearning and relearning to do.

There are many, many ways to do this learning.

And I find one of the best ways to do this learning and unlearning is in community. With others who are also stumbling and finding their way in the unraveling and exploring and dismantling and dislodging.

In community where we can be witnessed and supported.

In community where we can be lovingly pushed outside our own comfort zones.

In community where we can make mistakes without risk of being shamed or ridiculed.

In community where we can connect with each other and see we are very much not alone.

I believe in the power of the community.  It is why most of my work is in the form of circles and groups.  There is magic that happens when people come together to dig deep, to find support, to be witness to others.  Something greater than the sum of each of the individuals  is born.  And it is amazing to be a part of and witness to.

I invite you to find your brave communities.  The ones where you will be both held and lovingly pushed.  The ones where you can sit in discomfort.  The ones where you can bear witness to the pain and struggles of others.  The ones where “negative emotions” aren’t dismissed or banned.  The ones where you can both be you just as you are and also learn to do and be different.

We all need these communities.  And sometimes our communities will stumble.  These are growing pains and we all come out of isolation and learn to be together again.  These are the growing pains of taking off our patriarchal leashes.  These are the growing pains of revolution and burning it down and building something new and different and better.

xoox

If you would like to join me in community, I have four circles that will be starting in March::

On March 1 Isabel Faith Abbott and I and others will gather together in circle to explore specifically the ideas of consent and boundaries. We will look at trauma and resilience. We will unravel stories and dislodge some of our conditioning of how we are “allowed” to be from our bodies and being. We will heal some of our wounds. And while I can’t tell you how this work will change you or how you will be different at the end of our six months together, I can tell you that shifting and unlearning and dismantling will happen – perhaps in big ways and perhaps in small.  You can learn more and register right here: http://gwynnraimondi.com/bodyofconsent

Also on March 1 a group of us will gather to explore our relationships with other women (including our mothers and grandmothers) and how our patriarchal wounding and conditioning has informed and affected these relationships.  We will be together for nine months, going deep, looking at intergenerational trauma, healing wounds, and connecting to our strengths.  You can learn more and request an application at http://gwynnraimondi.com/unleashingourself

On March 3 my six week in-person women’s circle workshop on self care will begin.  We’ll be learning and practicing how to soothe our nervous systems, embody our boundaries, and process and sit in uncomfortable emotions and sensations. It will be on Friday evenings from 7-9pm at Cunning Crow Apothecary in the Greenwood neighborhood of Seattle.  If you’d like to learn more and register go to: http://gwynnraimondi.com/rebellionselfcare

And on March  15th we will gather for my six month on-line women’s circle on self care for resistors, disruptors and fire breathers.  We will also be learning and practicing how to soothe our nervous systems, embody our boundaries, and process and sit in uncomfortable emotions and sensations. To learn more and register go to http://gwynnraimondi.com/selfcarerevolution

And of course if you would like to receive my weekly love letter, you can sign up for it right here http://gwynnraimondi.com/newsletter

 

Consent, Boundaries, & Trauma :: Trauma

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Trauma is a messy beast.  And not only do we have the trauma of our own lived experience swirling within our bodies, we also, in our very DNA, have the trauma of our ancestors.

None of this we asked for.  None of this we consented to. None of this we said yes to.  None of this we were ever given a choice about.

Regardless, it’s there, within us.

And it our choice, and I believe our sacred responsibility, to process, to heal, to dislodge it from our bodies and being.

I have my own experiences with trauma.  As a young child I was abused physically and sexually and psychologically.  In my teens and again in my 20s I was raped. I have been in physically abusive relationships.  I have been gaslighted by people who were supposed to love me, from parents and grandparents to partners to mentors I trusted.

Many of you have had similar yet unique experiences to mine.  Sadly, these experiences are not uncommon, they are not rare.  Sadly, these experiences are the norm.  The statistics tell us this. Our lived experience tells us this.

I share with you that I’ve had these experiences to also share with you that I have done my own share of trauma work.  And am still in the process of doing it.

At the beginning of every single appointment with my therapist I tell her that I don’t want to do this work.  I have told her over and over that I am tired of my trigger responses.  That I am sick of living with PTSD.  That I want all this shit to simply go away.  Because I am D.O.N.E.

Processing our trauma is difficult and uncomfortable and messy.  It is the complete opposite of fun or enjoyable.  It is something I personally had avoided doing most of my life. Because, seriously, who wants to do with this shit?  Certainly not me.

And.

As I have slowly, so slowly, and quickly, oh so quickly, come home to my own body, connected to her sensations and whispers and screams, listened to her stories and memories, I came to know that truly, I need to work through the fear and terror and avoidance and process through the things that were done to me, that I never once consented to, that I never once asked for, so that I can be present and available in my own life, with my children and husband and sister and friends and greater community and world.

That while I never once asked for any of these things that were done to me I have a responsibility to those I love, including myself, to find ways to process and heal.

And in this processing and healing, I connect even more fully to my consent; I connect even more fully to my boundaries; I connect even more fully to my body and her knowing and her sensations, pleasurable, painful and everything in between and beyond.

Even if you are one of the very fortunate (and rare) people who have never experienced trauma in your own life, my guess is that you still carry within you the markers of trauma passed down to you by your ancestors in your DNA.

Trauma is unavoidable in our culture and time.

And while unavoidable, we can process it and heal it and not pass it on to the next generations.

I talk even more about trauma and it’s relation to consent and boundaries in the video below.

This essay and video are part of my new series Consent, Boundaries, & Trauma.  There are three essays total and you can read the essay on consent (with the embedded video) here and the essay on boundaries (with its video) here.

These essays and video series are in part to share with you the topics we’ll be unearthing, examining, dislodging and embracing in the six month circle Body of Consent.  We begin on March 1 (the video says February, we changed the start date to March).  If you are interested, you can learn more and register right over here. xoxo

If you enjoyed this essay, I invite you to subscribe to my weekly love letter right over here.

Not our fault, still our responsibility

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We are told, particularly as young girls and then it just continues the rest of our life, to be kind. To be polite. To not argue. To take what we are given and be happy with it. To not be rude. To not be loud. To never, ever, be a bitch.

These messages find their way into our skin. Into our bones. Into our being.

And so we don’t learn how to say no. Ever.

And so we don’t learn what a healthy boundary is. And we learn when we put up our own boundaries it’s a Bad Thing and so we learn to criticize others for having boundaries.

And never learn about consent. Or choice. Or options.

Our never learning these things isn’t our fault. It is the fault of our culture. It is fault of the training of our parents and grandparents. It is the fault of unresolved trauma. It is the fault of patriarchy and misogyny and racism and ablism and homophobia and transphobia.

We never asked for the messages we were given. The messages we received. The messages we internalized.

AND.

Even though how all this lives within us is not our fault, I deeply believe it is absolutely our responsibility to disrupt these messages. To unravel them. To dislodge them from our muscle and sinew and blood and being.

It is not our fault, no. And still we are adults. And as adults we DO have the choice to explore how these messages live within us and to kick them the fuck out. The choice, and I believe absolutely, the responsibility.

And in this exploration and unraveling and disrupting and dislodging we will be uncomfortable. We will feel, physically, psychologically, spiritually, the dissonance of this shifting and rebelling and learning.

And learn we will.

And.

We truly cannot do this alone. In a vacuum. By ourselves.

We need community.

We need brave spaces.

We need to both be accepted where we are and pushed outside our comfort zones.

Because that is how change happens. This is how healing happens. This is how liberation happens.

xoxo

Isabel Faith Abbott and I have come together, locked arms and joined minds and hearts. For six months we will be facilitating, guiding, holding brave space. We will dig into the consent and all it means and doesn’t mean. We will explore what boundaries are and when ours matter more than someone else’s and when they don’t. We will offer tools and conversation and community.

We begin on February 1. And we would be honored if you joined us.

http://gwynnraimondi.com/bodyofconsent

If you enjoyed reading this essay, w00h00!  And I’d like to invite you to sign up for my weekly love letters.  You can do so right here.

Consent, Boundaries, & Trauma :: Boundaries

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When we talk about consent, we also need to talk about boundaries.  These two things go hand-in-hand.  When we talk about our consent being disregarded we are also talking about our boundaries being crossed (and disregarded).  When we give or deny our consent we are lowering or raising our boundaries with another.

And like consent, our boundaries can feel complex.  However, I would argue that our boundaries are actually something that is very clear.  The issue I believe that comes in is two fold :: 1. that we often assume our boundaries are static when they are in fact fluid and 2. that our disconnection from our body leads to a disconnection from our boundaries and knowing and understanding our boundaries.

When I say our boundaries are fluid, what I mean is that they are movable.  For example one day or moment I may feel extra physical and want to be close to my husband.  Then on another day or in another moment I may not want to close at all and want to be left alone in solitude.  This boundary of physical closeness ebbs and flows based on any number of circumstances or reasons.  This doesn’t mean I love my husband less on the days I don’t want to be close, it simply means I don’t want to be touched.

This fluidity also applies to our emotional boundaries.  Have you ever had, what Brene Brown calls, a “vulnerability hangover”?  That feeling when we have shared too much of ourselves with perhaps the wrong, or at least not the right, people?  That is a crossing of our own emotional boundaries.  Or when a friend or family member gives us advice and one day we can hear it and know it’s coming from a good space and on another day it is simply too much and we want them to STFU?  That is another example of how our boundaries can shift. Or, there are days when I want to sit down and tell my husband All The Things and there are others that I don’t.  Days when I want to talk about past hurts or traumas and days that I don’t.  These are all examples of how our emotional boundaries can ebb and flow.

The other piece of our boundary work, is body connection.  The reality is that we have a very physical response when our boundaries are being encroached, whether physically or emotionally or psychologically.  Our body responds in any number of ways from a sense of agitation to an elevated heart rate to shortness of breath to headaches to our stomach tying itself in knots to many other varied responses. These responses become more intense the more we ignore them, as it seems our body is very clear on wanting to be heard and to keep us safe.

Often our response to these sensations is to ignore them, because they may not make conscious or logical sense in the moment.  And truly, because we are trained to ignore them, to not listen to our body, or our intuition or our knowing.

And.

When we start to connect to our body, to truly feel her, which includes a lot of uncomfortable sensations as well as pleasurable ones, and when we acknowledge the sensations of our boundaries being crossed and honor those sensations by stepping away or demanding that our boundaries be respected, then these sensations become less intense.

Embodiment, I deeply believe, is a key to our own liberation.  It is a key in understanding our own inner workings, which includes knowing our often fluid boundaries and the complexities of our consent.

Embodiment, like knowing and honoring our boundaries, like knowing and honoring our consent, is truly an act of rebellion.  We live in a culture that encourages us to be disconnected from our physical self and teaches us to mute all pain by any and all means possible.

This issue of course being, that when we mute the pain, we mute all the other sensations too, including our “spidey sense” or those sensations we get when our boundaries are slowly (or quickly!) being disregarded.

This does not mean that being present in our body is all sunshine and roses.  Many of us live with chronic pain.  Many of us have auto-immune issues that also cause physical pain.  Many of us get migraines or menstrual cramps or both.

And.

The truth is, even with the pain, I would rather be present in my body, to hear her whispers that are trying to keep me safe, than to continue living disassociated and disconnected.

I would rather be aware of my boundaries and have the opportunity to defend them (and my Self) than allow others to continue to trample them, and me.

I talk even more about boundaries in this 20-minute video below.  I hope you enjoy it.

This essay and video series is in part to share with you the topics we’ll be unearthing, examining, dislodging and embracing in the six month circle Body of Consent.  We begin on March 1 (the video says February, we changed the start date to March).  If you are interested, you can learn more and register right over here. xoxo

Or if you enjoyed this and would like to read more of my essays, you can subscribe for my weekly love letter right over here.