In the Unbecoming Quest Circle, we spent the spring moving down into the Underworld, like Inanna, shedding layer after layer, going deeper and deeper, finding our own Shadow Self. We spend the time unearthing and questioning, revealing and learning more and more about the women we are, the women were, the women we came from.
We then took a three month break, leaving us in Underworld to sit with our Shadow Self. Some of the women joined me for the two Embodied intensives and we dug and unearthed some more, however for most those three months we were apart. I wanted the women of the circle to have that time to rest, to allow things to simmer and stew and settle. It was a time to be nourishing and replenishing, enjoying the summer and preparing for the work of fall.
A few weeks ago we gathered back together and we have begun our ascension from the Underworld. For this second module our focus is on healing the wounds we uncovered in the spring. We will be spending these three months focusing on deeply connecting to our bodies and all their wisdom. We are learning to let go of old stories of unworthiness or being undeserving. We are digging into learning to nourish and honor our bodies and spirits. We are healing old wounds.
And we are talking about sex, sexuality and what it is to be a sexual being.
Sex is a tough conversation for many of us for many reasons. So many have wounds around the topic of sex. Some experienced sexual abuse as a child. Some were raped. Some were taught that their bodies are “dirty.” Some learned at an early age that a woman’s body can fail her. Some learned to abuse their own bodies by either depriving themselves of sex and being sexual or by being over-sexual but not really feeling it.
It is a can of worms, this topic of being a sexual being. This week we are linking together the ideas of nourishment and sexuality and how they could come together, what stories are stopping us, what new stories are we ready to create.
Sometimes we can dive right into the deep end: we can go straight for the old story and take away it’s power by creating a new and healthier story. More often however, we need to move more slowly.
Sometimes it is the baby-steps that are the most powerful. Giving yourself fifteen minutes to enjoy a quiet cup of tea and daydream. Or twenty minutes (or more) for a relaxing bath. Maybe it’s finally getting out the door to that yoga class or for that walk. Perhaps it is sitting down and meditating. It could be a flash of realizing you are deserving of a beautiful meal and cooking it for yourself. This list of baby steps to becoming fully embodied, to connecting deeply to your Feminine self, to healing the Feminine and Masculine wounds you carry in your body, it could go on and on.
At the core of these baby steps is the slow integration of this truth: we are all beautiful, worthy and deserving beings.With each walk you take in nature or each bath or each quiet cup of tea, you are emphasizing this truth, you are acknowledging your own worthiness. You are changing your story.
As we connect more and more to our bodies, to our deserving, to our creativity, we are also connecting more and more to our Feminine self, and as part of that, our sexuality. As we heal the wounds of our past, our mothers’ pasts, our grandmothers’ pasts, our great-great-great-great grandmothers on our father’s side past… we are also healing all our collective wounds about sexuality.
It is a circular and spiraling and intertwining path. There is ebb and flow to this work. Always. And sometimes we truly can dive in, head on, and heal a wound. In my experience though, those times are rare. Most often, we need the baby steps.
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