I’ve spent the last few days consumed by tears. Tears of frustration. Tears of disappointment.
Tears of grief.
Grieving a plan that refuses to come into fruition.
Grieving a dream of what my life would be like.
The Warrior in me rages against this grief. Fight! she screams. We have a battle plan, she insists.
I’m tired from the seemingly endless battles in this war against What Is. In these battles I have raged and fought against Truth and Reality for so many years now. I don’t have much fight left in me. I want peace. I want to Be.
To Be, I will need to walk away from this War, stop engaging in the battles. It’s time to release these thoughtfully constructed plans, these dreams, these expectations of what my life “should” look like and time to surrender wholly to what is. It is time to release what isn’t and allow what Is to be my Dream.
This release, this surrender will not come easily. I have held onto these plans, this dream, this vision of my life, for most of my adult years. This fight has consumed me and has prevented me from enjoying and being whole in what Is.
Many prayers will still be sent. I feel them in my heart, in my Soul, in my womb. I know the bargaining with the Universe is not quite over. This release, this surrender will be slow and at times over-whelming. I feel the Fight still strong within me. And yet, it is time. My longing for peace is becoming stronger than my longing for completed plans, accomplished dreams, plans and dreams that are clearly not meant to be.
Time to release the anger. Time to release the frustration. Time to release the blame.
Time to release the plans, the dream.
Time to Surrender to what Is.
Time to know in my bones, that this beautiful life of mine, that I have right now, is enough. In this beautiful life of mine, right now, I can be whole and happy.
I love this beautiful life of mine. As it is. Right now.