In the Exploring Our Shadows circle we are beginning to dig into our stories of Too Much. How we are too loud, too quiet, too sexual, too prude, too feminine, too masculine, too neat, too messy, too fat, too thin…. you get the picture. These stories run deep, they course through us in our blood and settle down in our marrow. They are stories we’ve heard from our family, our mentors, our “authority figures,” our culture.
We grow up in these stories. They come at us from every side. They are part of our training in how to be in this world. They teach us to never be happy with who we are, to always be striving, that we aren’t lovable or worthy of respect or deserving of anything.
These stories teach us to be quiet. To not argue. To sit down and shut up.
These stories teach us that our emotions and perspectives aren’t valid. Our experiences aren’t real. Our innate knowing is false.
So we learn, from a very young age, to not speak out. To never show our anger or sadness. To follow the rules, at all costs, even when those rules seems to change from moment to moment and be different for other people.
We obey. We do our best to fit in. To comply. And then, just when we think we’re doing it “right” we’re told we’re all wrong.
This culture we live in gaslights us. It tells we we’re “crazy.” That what we saw with our own eyes, experienced with our own body, never happened. Or maybe it did, but not at all like we think.
This culture we live in trains us that expressing our emotions is dangerous. And that we need to remain calm and “rational” at all times and all costs.
And that cost is our Self. Our autonomy. Our Truth.
This leash that is put on us all, starting a very young age, is very real. It may or may not be a literal, physical leash, and still our body, mind and spirit react as if it were. Our throats close. Our stomachs churn. Our heads and chests ache.
And still we continue to stuff. To ignore. To try to follow the every changing rules.
Until we don’t.
Until we realize that this trying to fit in, that this following the rules, that this buying into these stories isn’t actually working for us. We get glimmers of how these stories we are told over and over aren’t actually true. Little by little we start to listen to our guts and try honoring it.
And sometimes we simply know that we want to do different and yet we don’t yet know how.
We seek our people. We find our sisters and brothers, our tribe. We look to those people who speak their truth and by doing so give us permission to speak ours.
We begin to breath. To connect to our actual breath. We begin to listen to our body. To our own knowing. And little by little, we do things a little different. Sometimes in leaps and bounds and sometimes in the tiniest of steps, we begin to trust our Self, to love our Self, to know and believe in our core that these stories are a bunch of bullshit.
And sometimes we need help with this. Because unraveling all these stories is hard and confusing at best. We need our community to support us and sometimes we need a guide to help us along our way.
This is why I do this work. To shine light on the lies we’ve all been told over and over about our worth, our value, our truth.
My work doesn’t stop there though. Shining the light is great an all. Becoming aware is a fabulous thing. And a lot of shit gets stirred up in the process and can leave you feeling lost, alone, confused, angry, sad.
The rage will bubble up.
And the grief.
And because we are trained at an early age that rage and grief are bad, we never learn how to feel them, how to process them, how to allow them.
This is where the real work is. This is where I stand beside you and hold you up when you need and give you space and tools to sort this all out, for yourself, in your own time, and space. To support you in your unique journey of unraveling and unleashing.
Unraveling and unlearning all our cultural training is no easy feat. It is not glamorous or fun. It is messy and dirty. There will be times you don’t want to unlearn anymore and times you wished you’d never unlearned anything in the first place. And still, you will know, there is no going back and truly, even if you could, you wouldn’t.
And through it all, I will be here with you.
I offer many different ways for us to connect and for me to be a part of your own journey of unraveling and unleashing and unlearning all your unique cultural training and reconnecting to your body, your wisdom and your truth. Every week I send out a love letter, which contains an essay from me, a guided meditation, links to my newest blog posts and circles, as well as links to other women who I find inspiring. You can subscribe to it right here. I also offer 1:1 packages and you can learn more about them right here (and know, I’m always open to creating a unique package that fits your specific needs). In July I will be offering a one week free intensive circle, you can learn about and register for it here. And in September the Wild Woman Wisdom circle will begin to gather and embark on our 12-month epic quest. More details on that to come by July 1. And of course you can find me on Facebook here and here and Instagram. Sending you love and I hope to connect with you soon.