A thing about personal change or growth or transformation is that it typically takes time. It takes time to do all the unearthing and unraveling and dismantling and dislodging. It takes time to see all the different ways not only we ourselves have been harmed but also to see the many ways we have actually (unintentionally, unconsciously) participated in harming others.
We don’t just wake up one day and suddenly no longer have any implicit biases or internalized isms. We may wake up one day and suddenly be aware of a lot of these biases and ~isms. And being aware of them and removing them from our being are two very different things.
This is why I now only have online groups or circles that are six months or longer. And it is why all my in-person work is for a minimum of three months.
Because this work takes time. And we need the space. We need space for the stops and starts. We need space to allow some work to settle before moving on to the next. We need space to experiment and try different things to see what fits us and what doesn’t.
Connecting to our consent and boundaries, and learning how to respect and honor the consent and boundaries of others takes time. In a “good enough” family dynamic, it takes about 20 years (the span from infancy to young adulthood). And so, if we are only beginning to dive into this work, we have however many years we’ve been alive worth of training and conditioning to unravel on top of actually learning what boundaries actually feel like in our bodies and how to honor them.
This is not to say we can’t learn some things quickly. We can. Absolutely. And “quickly” is a relative term. Six months is quickly in my book. And a LOT can be unlearned and relearned in that amount of time.
This is why Isabel Faith Abbott and I decided to have our collaboration, Body of Consent, have a six month duration. Because we want to take the time to truly get into this work, to allow space for the mess and exploring and experimenting. To give time for the retreating and coming back to it. To truly practice and get into our skin and being what boundaries and consent feel like and know when our own is being crossed and when we are crossing that of another.
And it is a commitment. A commitment to this work. A commitment to learning and unlearning. A commitment to understanding and feeling and knowing that we are all in this work for the long haul.
If this sounds like your next steps, if this sounds like a way for you to commit to the work of healing and shifting and unlearning and relearning, we’d be honored to have you join us.
You can learn more and register at http://gwynnraimondi.com/bodyofconsent