We are told, particularly as young girls and then it just continues the rest of our life, to be kind. To be polite. To not argue. To take what we are given and be happy with it. To not be rude. To not be loud. To never, ever, be a bitch.
These messages find their way into our skin. Into our bones. Into our being.
And so we don’t learn how to say no. Ever.
And so we don’t learn what a healthy boundary is. And we learn when we put up our own boundaries it’s a Bad Thing and so we learn to criticize others for having boundaries.
And never learn about consent. Or choice. Or options.
Our never learning these things isn’t our fault. It is the fault of our culture. It is fault of the training of our parents and grandparents. It is the fault of unresolved trauma. It is the fault of patriarchy and misogyny and racism and ablism and homophobia and transphobia.
We never asked for the messages we were given. The messages we received. The messages we internalized.
Even though how all this lives within us is not our fault, I deeply believe it is absolutely our responsibility to disrupt these messages. To unravel them. To dislodge them from our muscle and sinew and blood and being.
It is not our fault, no. And still we are adults. And as adults we DO have the choice to explore how these messages live within us and to kick them the fuck out. The choice, and I believe absolutely, the responsibility.
And in this exploration and unraveling and disrupting and dislodging we will be uncomfortable. We will feel, physically, psychologically, spiritually, the dissonance of this shifting and rebelling and learning.
And learn we will.
We truly cannot do this alone. In a vacuum. By ourselves.
We need community.
We need brave spaces.
We need to both be accepted where we are and pushed outside our comfort zones.
Because that is how change happens. This is how healing happens. This is how liberation happens.
Isabel Faith Abbott and I have come together, locked arms and joined minds and hearts. For six months we will be facilitating, guiding, holding brave space. We will dig into the consent and all it means and doesn’t mean. We will explore what boundaries are and when ours matter more than someone else’s and when they don’t. We will offer tools and conversation and community.
We begin on February 1. And we would be honored if you joined us.
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