Tag: beautiful life

Posted on

A Blessing for Us All

May we find peace, calm and presence within the chaos of life.

May we savor this moment, right now.

May we feel the sand gently cutting into the bottoms of our feet as the salt water washes the tops.

May we find our community, our village, our tribe. May our lives be filled with Our People, connecting deeply, finding both support and loving challenge, for growth, for blossoming.

May we each have lots of ink on our skin, declaring who we were and who we are.

May the Softness envelope us, wrapping us each in our own cocoon of security and love.

May we be overfilled with the softness, so that it pours out of us, into the world, rounding the rough edges of all we meet.

May we have candle light and slow, lingering kisses.

May we have bubbles and giggles and lit up eyes all around.

May we release and find sweet forgiveness.

May we express the Divine within.

May we hear the ocean waves crashing, feeling them pull us in deeper and surrounding our whole being, becoming one with the wave, surfing it, just our body, and the ocean.

May we each find good health and free our bodies of sickness.

May our families grow as we long them to, feeling the child growing within, holding the sweet newborn to our breast.

May we feel crazy good.

May we embrace this life, to have a smile spread across our whole body as we see the beauty surrounding us.

May we have sunlight and color filling our homes, our lives, right now.

May we have gorgeous beads around our necks, wrists, ankles and dangling from our ears, an expression of our creativity, our beauty.

May we embrace our femininity, the gentle softness that is our birthright, feeling it deep in our bones and know that we are Whole, Enough, Beautiful as we were born, as we are now.

May we be held and told it will all be okay, this rough spot isn’t forever, This Too Shall Pass.

May we feel passion, savor all of life, connect deeply and completely to our bodies and our souls.

May we release the trauma living within us, be brave and move into this deep healing.

May we dance the Sacred Dance, what that means to each of us, together and apart, in our time and space.

May our breath be taken away by the gorgeous beauty and generosity of others.

May we take other’s breath away, with our beauty and generosity.

May we blossom and open, release the tightness, the clenching, find our fluidity.

May we come together, individuals into the whole, growing and guiding and changing each other as the rebels we are, and in this coming together may we change the world.

Namaste.

Posted on

A Love Affair

I’ve been clearing out our garage and in this process have been sorting through boxes of family memorabilia: photos, diplomas, report cards, letters, greeting cards. My grandmother, and then my mom, saved every single card she was ever given and after she and my grandfather were married saved every card he was ever given. I inherited these stacks and stacks of greeting cards and have been sorting through them, finding love notes and letters and viewing the love affair of Thomas Warren Goulette and Reta Fern Inman Goulette that extended over five decades.

There’s a depth to these Hallmark cards, a beauty of a love I witnessed as a child and young adult. My grandparents, while imperfect, were madly, deeply and truly in-love with each other their whole lives. They set the standard for me for what a marriage should be. My grandmother loved my grandfather, she cared for him and tended to him during his long battle with lung cancer and emphysema. She doted on him and the look in her eyes when she talked of him and to him was breath-taking. My grandfather loved my grandmother with a passion that can best be related by the story of his death: My grandfather had been dying, fighting cancer for over a year. The doctors had been saying that whole year that he only had a few months left and every time he lived past their prognosis they gave him another month, max. What the doctor’s didn’t know is that my grandfather had promised my grandmother he would live long enough for them to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. It was so important to my grandma to have that 50th anniversary, my grandfather knew this. He fought to stay alive and they celebrated it with him in a hospice bed in their living room. Two months later he passed away.

My grandfather did everything he could, always, to give my grandmother what she wanted. This came through in material things of course, and also in non-material things: how he lovingly collected walnuts from the walnut tree and cracked them (hundreds of them!) by hand every fall and set them out to dry so Grandma could use them in her baking; how he stood by her, holding and supporting her while she watched her daughter and granddaughter’s relationship fall to pieces; making sure that she took care of herself instead of always taking care of others.

My grandparents set the standard for romantic love. I wanted a love affair like theirs, one that would last the test of time. I wanted a partner who would be as devoted to me as my grandfather was to my grandmother, fighting back Death himself, to give her her heart’s desire.  I wanted to have a love that flowed so deep from my heart that people knew by the look on my face when I spoke of my husband how deep that love was. I wanted what they had.

I didn’t see their hard times, except in the last years when Death came knocking. I didn’t see them fight or argue. I didn’t see how hard it was for them to be parents or know of their struggles, financial and otherwise. I only knew they loved each other with a passion that couldn’t be measured or described.

And that in the end is what matters. Not the details of day to day living, but the eternal love we have for those we share those days with.

I’m blessed to share my life with a man who makes my heart sing, who makes me want to be a better person, who I enjoy staying up all night talking to and who I miss desperately when we are apart, even after our nearly two decades together. I am blessed that we have an amazing little girl together and that we have our daily struggles, as all families do, and at the end of the day we know that we love each other with a passion beyond measure.

I’m not reliving my grandparent’s love affair, theirs was in another time and place. Their love for each other was uniquely theirs and theirs alone.

I do have what they had though. Realizing this as I read birthday and anniversary cards from a time before I was born has been a beautiful, awesome, centering and humbling experience.

For all their flaws, and there were many, they showed me how to live passionately and deeply in-love. And in the end, I believe that maybe, that is all that matters: that we live each day passionately and deeply in love.

The mistakes we make, our flaws and  imperfections, at the end of lifetime or the end of a day, can be forgiven if we lived passionately and deeply in love, every moment. The details of their daily foibles don’t seem to matter or to make these people I knew and love, what I remember is their love: their love for each other, their love for our family. This love is what has guided me even when I didn’t know it, it has defined me in ways I have been unaware of or unable to fully comprehend.

It all boils down to love. Our love of those close to us. Our love of our lives. Of love for the world. Expressing our love for all to see, stepping into that vulnerability and not caring what the world thinks, because our love is so strong, so robust and beautiful, the world can’t truly hurt us.

Acknowledging this love has been a powerful gift over the past few days. I’ve wept, missing my mama and grandparents. Having questions and wanting to know the stories behind certain photos or letters and knowing these questions won’t be answered in this life. Coming to a place of acceptance that those details don’t really matter has been deeply personally profound. Releasing and opening, breathing in deeply the lessons they offer me over a decade after their deaths, has shown me how eternal love truly is. And that is a beautiful lesson to receive.

My grandparents on their 42nd wedding anniversary (February 14, 1990)
My grandparents on their 42nd wedding anniversary (February 14, 1990)
Posted on

Honest Truth

On Sunday, after seeing her overflowing Easter basket when she woke up, which included a 2-foot chocolate bunny, our daughter announced “You and daddy are the Easter Bunny!” Nick and I were in shock and asked her why she thought that and said things like “Would mama and daddy ever buy you that much candy at once??” all of which she gave a very narrow eyed knowing look to. We didn’t initially fess up to anything. We both want the magic of the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus to last as long as possible. We both enjoy the beauty of it all, of doing something extra special for our girl and not taking the credit. I hoped the conversation was dropped, with Nick and I neither admitting or denying anything.

Then in the car on the way to my cousin’s for the annual Easter egg hunt and brunch, she asked if her Daddy and I were the Easter Bunny. I again asked her why she thought that and we discussed it. She had That Look in her eye — that look that says “I’m trusting you to tell me the truth. I’m ready for the truth” and so I admitted that yes, her Daddy and I are the Easter Bunny. I didn’t say anything about the Tooth Fairy or Santa. To be fair, she didn’t ask about them and we’ll cross that bridge when we get there in six months or so.

Reality sunk in. My baby is growing up. She turns six next week and I’m filled with a mixture of joy, awe and sadness. The mystery of the Easter Bunny is solved and I realized in talking with Nick later that it was around this same age that I figured out that Santa wasn’t real, though in a very painful way, which involved my parents refusing to be honest with me and even threatening that Santa wouldn’t come if I didn’t believe.

I didn’t talk with my girl about the magic of the holidays and what the Easter Bunny (or Santa or the Tooth Fairy) represent to me or to her Daddy. We didn’t get into that conversation, however I’m sure we will at some point.

What was important on Sunday was that, when I looked in my girl’s eyes and saw how much she wanted and needed the Truth, I gave it to her. I’ve accepted that my child is both a little girl and growing into a very young woman. While only almost six, those pre-teen and then teen years do not seem so far away. The first six years of her life have been filled with Nick and me building strong attachment bonds with her, with each other and keeping open doorways for communication. The next six years will be filled with the same, as will the six after that and six after that and so on.

I’ve realized that what is key, what is most important is recognizing her individuality. Knowing that her childhood is nothing like mine. Knowing that I have learned much from the painful lessons of the relationship with my own mom. Knowing I am studying, for a career, about child development, attachment and families. Knowing I have tools and practices that were never available to my own mom and thereby knowing I will not follow in her footsteps.

My baby is growing up. She’s a child now. There’s no denying it. In the way she talks, her interests, how she can figure it all out. She’s independent, confident and has an inner spark and glow in her eyes that had left my own eyes by her age.

And while she is growing up into this beautiful person, and while she is no longer literally a baby, she will always be my baby. I will always be here for her when she wants or needs me. I will love her beyond the end of our days. I will always be on her side. She’s my girl.

One of the songs I sing to her at bedtime is You are My Sunshine (with my own lyrics). The closing line is “I love you more and more every day.” It’s true. Every day I love my girl a little more than the day before and every day I can’t imagine how I could love her more without my heart literally bursting.  Yet every day I do. Every day.

Understanding and acknowledging and accepting her individuality, her personhood has been a huge part of our parenting. Treating her with respect. Allowing her to be a child while never treating her as if she is less because of her age. Parenting this way is hard, it requires me to dig deep almost daily and face my own past, my own fears with bravery and grace and a willingness to own my shit and grow as a person. It’s a tall order and some days I’m better at it than others. Some days are filled with apologies, tears and repairing measures while others are filled with laughter, connection and joy.

And so my girl grows from a little girl to a big girl. And our journey continues…

…

My mindfulness practice has had the greatest impact on my ability to be the parent I want to be. I want to share this practice, and the tools I’ve found and developed with it with everyone who is ready to grow into the person your Soul is calling you to be. My Grounding in Grace e-course is filled with mindfulness exercises as well as reflection and soul work. And I’m very excited about the video prompts I’ve been working on for this course. Because I strongly believe that to bring peace to the world we must start in our home, and because I so deeply do not want finances to prevent a single person from taking this course if she or he is ready, the program is Pay-What-Feels-Good and I also have scholarships available. For more information about the course and to register click here. The course starts on April 9th and runs for 30 days. I would love to have you join the amazing community that is growing around this program.

 

 

Posted on

Love and Repair

Love is a very special kind of emotional bond, the need for which is wired into our brain by millions of years of evolution. 

– Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight and co-founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy

We’re social creatures, humans. We need to have another person in our lives who loves us, who will be there to support us, who has our back, no matter what. For children this other person would be a parent. For adults it would be our romantic partner or a sibling or very close friend.  Having this other person is fundamental to our resilience in regard to stress and trauma. Having this other person allows us to be free to explore our world and express our true self.

As a child I didn’t have that kind of support or bond with my parents. Now that I’m an adult, I have that person. My husband is truly amazing. He is patient. He is supportive. He loves me, truly unconditionally. He’s not perfect, none of us are, however he is truly perfect for me.

I forget that sometimes.

Sometimes I get wrapped up in my old myths. You know, those stories a lot of us have about not being worthy of love; that we can’t trust another person to take care of us. Or sometimes I get so spun up that I can’t even see how much he loves me, because of all my old stories or my own panic mode is activated for some reason which leaves me terrified of being abandoned.

I have seen this panic in my daughter in the past. It usually came out when I was in my own panic mode and shutting down, going into my own self-preservation mode, leaving me unable to truly provide the connection that my daughter needs to feel safe.

I’ve become an expert at repair.

The key to repair isn’t about simply saying “I’m sorry”. True repair happens as we reach out and start to authentically connect with the Other. Those steps to connection – to strengthening the attachment bonds – are basically the same whether we are repairing with our child, with our spouse or partner or with a close friend or sibling. These steps can be challenging, because it requires me to step a bit out of my own myth and story to and actually see and hear the other person. Letting go of those old stories can be scary and yet, so very freeing and exhilarating.

The best part of stepping into deep connection repair is how it has opened my life to joy. How many more peaceful moments and loving days I get to have with my family. How my husband and I can always come back together after a separation and go straight into a deep connection without being stuck in old stories about ourselves, each other or our relationship.

I am deeply in-love with my life. I want you to be deeply in-love with your life too, to have authentic and connected relationships with those close to you. Because of my longing for you to have this sense of peace and joy, I have developed an on-line program, sharing these steps to repair and connection. Included in the program are daily emails as well as personal one-to-one email correspondence. Once the program has ended you will also have the opportunity to have either a telephone or skype session with me, as I truly want to know how you are doing and help you work through any place in the steps you may be stuck.

Today I release my program, Repairing in Relationship,  to you. We will start on the traditional day of love, February 14 and work together for seven weeks exploring the steps to repair and reconnection. I’m looking forward to helping you and your family find your way to peace, love and joy.

Repairing in Relationship w url