Category: Community

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Self Actualization in Community

What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.  ~Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Palm Sunday: An Autobiographical Collage

Over the last few weeks I have written to you about individuation/self-actualization and three parts (Release, Revolution (The Goo), Reclamation) of this process as I see it.

In these emails you may get the impression that this is solitary work, work we do off on our own.  But just as Inanna needed the help of the Ninshubar, we too need the support and help of community in our own individual processes of taking off our cultural and familial leashes.

We humans are social creatures. We always have been.  Throughout evolution we have relied on our communities for support, for protection, for security, for the accumulation of resources and the meeting of our basic needs (such as food, water, shelter, a sense of safeness, and a sense of belonging).

In most cases, except those rare instances, when we wander off by ourselves into the wild, we die.

I deeply believe this is also true of this deep inner work of unearthing, unraveling, and unlearning; of release, revolution, and reclamation :: we need our community.  Not to do the work for us, no, only we can do that. Rather to support us, to hold us, to mirror back to us, as we move through it all.  To accept as as we are, while also encouraging us to dig deep and unravel and bring those hidden, those stuffed down, those forgotten or ignored parts of us into the light.

This community can look however we need it to look.  Perhaps it it includes our therapist (I know mine does!), close, sister-like friends, family, intimate partners.  Any and all of the people who “get it.”

Sometimes the communities we need to gather around us as we do this work, are doing their own work at the same time, in tandem, right along side us.  So we can both witness and be witnessed, see and be seen, hear and be heard.

And sometimes, for whatever reasons, just the right person or people enter into our lives at just the right moment, and then for any and all of the reasons, they are only with us briefly.

Community can look like any of these things.  It can be fluid.  It can be solid.  It can sway and be deeply rooted like a willow tree.

And.

As I mentioned in the first essay of this series, one of our basic human needs is that of belonging.  Without our sense of belonging (and safety, and having needs of food, water, shelter met), we cannot do this deeper inner work.  We need to feel a part of something.  We need to feel that we matter to our community in some way.

This need can, of course, go wonky on us.  The whole reason cults work is based on this need for belonging. Those aren’t the kinds of communities I’m talking about.

It is important, that our communities, where we find our belonging, are ones that encourage our own growth, that encourage us to question the “authorities”, that invite us to do differently, and still be accepted and included.

It is in these kinds of communities, where we find something akin to unconditional (within some amount of reason) love and acceptance.  These kinds of communities where we feel we are fine just as we are.  These kinds of communities where we don’t have to do or be exactly like everyone else in order to belong.

Those are the kinds of communities that allow us the space to do this deep work of unraveling our cultural conditioning, of unearthing those generations old stories of how we are too much and not enough and unworthy and undeserving.

It is only in these consent-based, non-authoritarian communities where we can truly and deeply do this work.  (I’ll be writing more on authoritarianism in my next essay/video series).

And it is with this love, this support, this loving encouragement for us to move outside our own comfort zones and boxes, that we can truly thrive.

I talk more about this in the 14 minute video below ::

This essay and video series is in part to share with you the topics we’ll be unearthing, unraveling, and unlearning in the six month circle Becoming Unleashed.  We begin September 22.  If you are interested, you  can learn more and request an application here. xoxo

To read the other essays and view the other videos in this series, click the links below ::

What is “Individuation”?

Release

The Goo as Revolution

Reclamation

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Short Game and Long Game

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of having many conversations with several different wonderful women. We talked about everything from being therapists to the having the privilege to say we are going to burn it all down to intergenerational trauma to mean-girl alpha-ing behaviors in feminist spaces. These conversations have been fortifying and replenishing and nourishing and I have been deeply grateful for them.

All of these conversations, except one, were via this lovely box I am currently typing on (mostly through Skype, but some textual exchanges too). And while I thank the gods and goddesses above and below for this here modern technology and the ability to have these conversations and see the other person’s face, there is also nothing quite like being in the same room with someone and the intimacy and focus that comes with that.

The one conversation I had in person was with one of my bffs who happens to also be a professional photographer. And while and between taking new photos of me for my website, we caught up on All The Things, which seriously filled me up in all the Good Ways and I need to remember to make in-person time with my besties more of a priority.

Anyhow.

At one point in the shoot we put on the song 99 Red Balloons by Nena on repeat. I don’t know why this song is so… something… for me. It both gives me life and gives me angst and I had fun dancing furiously to it and flipping off and punching at the camera in the process.

I have loved this song since it was first released in 1984. Since I was in 7th grade. So you know, a lot of years.

The year I was in 7th grade was also the year the movie The Day After was released and aired on TV. My dad didn’t allow me to watch it, because he felt it was anti-communist propaganda and figured it would give me nightmares. He was probably right. (He also refused to let me see the movie Red Dawn in the theaters, even though it had all my crushes in it, for the same reason. Again, my father was probably right in this decision.)

My point maybe being that I grew up in a time when nuclear annihilation was a given. I pretty much assumed that I would not live to see my 18th birthday because there would be a full scale global nuclear war. In 9th grade, maybe because the middle school I attended was close to the air force base, we did air raid drills in the event of a nuclear attack.

I grew up assuming we, humans, were fucked.

Then in 1987 the Berlin wall fell. And eventually the Soviet Union also collapsed. And in all this the fear of a nuclear holocaust also disappeared. At least from my own psyche. Yes some of our world leaders seemed to be war mongers, but it also seemed even in their need to conquer they had a deep respect for that red button. (At least it’s always red in the movies, I have no idea if it’s really a red button or even an actual button at all). And so, while we as humans are flawed, I came to a place of assuming we would all survive and live into relatively old age (barring disease and car accidents and being murdered and the like).

Over the last month plus, every time I read a headline I am back to believing that we are so fucked.

And maybe that’s why I needed to talk with my bestie and dance furiously to this song while flipping off and punching at a camera.

But in this We Are So Fucked-ness, I also am getting to see such gorgeous humanity. While the current leaders of our country seem hell bent on killing us all, I am witnessing revolutionaries I never thought would be the ones to save us pop up. The park rangers, the scientists, the lawyers.

And the every day people like you and me.

I don’t have a moral or some neat little message to wrap all these words up with a bow.

Except maybe to remind us all that what we do matters. How we spend our time and energy matters. And while we have the short game right in front of us of disrupting and resisting the fuck out of the current regime, we also have the long game of building something new and different and tearing down the existing infrastructure that got us to this place today.

So let’s remember that. Let’s remember that there is a short game AND a long game. And people are needed in both arenas. And maybe you are able to play in both arenas right now and that is amazing and thank you so fucking much and maybe all you have time and energy for is the long game right now and that is also amazing and thank you so fucking much.

And please, can we also remember we are in this together? And we don’t need to destroy each other in order for a single one of us to rise? That too would be amazing and awesome.

xoox

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Power of community

The last few weeks have been interesting. An admitted sexual predator took the White House. We have seen blatant attempts at gaslighting by the White House press secretary. Hundreds of thousands of women ACROSS THE GLOBE on ALL seven continents marched for women’s rights. And then all the executive orders that have been flying at us, including a ban on refugees and immigrants from Muslim countries.  And during all of this I have been checking in with various feminist spaces, connecting and witnessing and observing.

I have witnessed both curious and beautiful discussion and learning as well as shaming and silencing.

I have watched people give advice or their opinions when it wasn’t asked for.

I have watched boundaries being crossed and consent being disregarded.

I have watched people clam up and/or get defensive and go on attack.

I have watched as some express their valid pain and rage and frustration.

And some of this has been online and some of it in person and some of it between adults and some of it with my children as they work out their own relationship of mutual respect and consent.

And where I’m landing in this moment, is we all have a lot of work to do.

And yes I mean the macro work of calling representatives and getting our hands and minds and bodies busy volunteering and doing the work of resisting and disrupting this new administration at every turn.

And I also mean we all, and I do mean WE ALL and I am most definitely including myself in this, have a lot of inner work still to do too.

We need to look at our own internalized misogyny.

We need to look at all our implicit biases.

We need to examine the ways each of us have silenced or shamed or gaslighted another, whether it was intentional or conscious or not.

We need to build our resilience.

We need to have a deep and clear and embodied understanding of consent and boundaries.

And we need to learn to sit in discomfort and know we’ll all live if we make a mistake or turn out to be in the wrong in some way.

We each have a lot of unlearning and relearning to do.

There are many, many ways to do this learning.

And I find one of the best ways to do this learning and unlearning is in community. With others who are also stumbling and finding their way in the unraveling and exploring and dismantling and dislodging.

In community where we can be witnessed and supported.

In community where we can be lovingly pushed outside our own comfort zones.

In community where we can make mistakes without risk of being shamed or ridiculed.

In community where we can connect with each other and see we are very much not alone.

I believe in the power of the community.  It is why most of my work is in the form of circles and groups.  There is magic that happens when people come together to dig deep, to find support, to be witness to others.  Something greater than the sum of each of the individuals  is born.  And it is amazing to be a part of and witness to.

I invite you to find your brave communities.  The ones where you will be both held and lovingly pushed.  The ones where you can sit in discomfort.  The ones where you can bear witness to the pain and struggles of others.  The ones where “negative emotions” aren’t dismissed or banned.  The ones where you can both be you just as you are and also learn to do and be different.

We all need these communities.  And sometimes our communities will stumble.  These are growing pains and we all come out of isolation and learn to be together again.  These are the growing pains of taking off our patriarchal leashes.  These are the growing pains of revolution and burning it down and building something new and different and better.

xoox

If you would like to join me in community, I have four circles that will be starting in March::

On March 1 Isabel Faith Abbott and I and others will gather together in circle to explore specifically the ideas of consent and boundaries. We will look at trauma and resilience. We will unravel stories and dislodge some of our conditioning of how we are “allowed” to be from our bodies and being. We will heal some of our wounds. And while I can’t tell you how this work will change you or how you will be different at the end of our six months together, I can tell you that shifting and unlearning and dismantling will happen – perhaps in big ways and perhaps in small.  You can learn more and register right here: http://gwynnraimondi.com/bodyofconsent

Also on March 1 a group of us will gather to explore our relationships with other women (including our mothers and grandmothers) and how our patriarchal wounding and conditioning has informed and affected these relationships.  We will be together for nine months, going deep, looking at intergenerational trauma, healing wounds, and connecting to our strengths.  You can learn more and request an application at http://gwynnraimondi.com/unleashingourself

On March 3 my six week in-person women’s circle workshop on self care will begin.  We’ll be learning and practicing how to soothe our nervous systems, embody our boundaries, and process and sit in uncomfortable emotions and sensations. It will be on Friday evenings from 7-9pm at Cunning Crow Apothecary in the Greenwood neighborhood of Seattle.  If you’d like to learn more and register go to: http://gwynnraimondi.com/rebellionselfcare

And on March  15th we will gather for my six month on-line women’s circle on self care for resistors, disruptors and fire breathers.  We will also be learning and practicing how to soothe our nervous systems, embody our boundaries, and process and sit in uncomfortable emotions and sensations. To learn more and register go to http://gwynnraimondi.com/selfcarerevolution

And of course if you would like to receive my weekly love letter, you can sign up for it right here http://gwynnraimondi.com/newsletter

 

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Connection, Community, Expansion

I’ve been quiet here on the blog for the last couple weeks, after promising myself that I would write something at least twice a week. That seems to be how it goes: I swear to myself I will write here and then I have shift in focus and direction that leaves me not writing. Oftentimes not-writing leaves me feeling disconnected, a bit off kilter. This isn’t true of this most recent break from the blog.

In fact, I feel very connected. I have been reaching out more to my circles, the ones I participate in and the ones I lead. I have been broadcasting on Periscope and I have to say I really love the forum. I’ve also been connecting more with my alumni group and the Mindful Mantras group. I’ve also been more transparent with the (Un)Becoming circle as I do this work along side them at the same time I guide them through it. I have been searching for new ways to connect with women who are ready to dig into who they are, who are ready to explore and release the stories that have held them back for years. I’m uncovering ways I can connect more with the circles that have already gathered around my work.

I’m offering individual therapy and guide work sessions to new clients as well as those who have participated in the deeper soul work of Shedding Shoulds, Being & Becoming and the (Un)Becoming Quest. I’m brain-storming all the ways I can grow these circles, help more women and families, and expand the rebellious practices of body-centered mindfulness, self-awareness, and loving-kindness.

I’m reaching out. I’m stepping further into my core values of authenticity, transparency, connection, play and curiosity. I’m growing relationships.

Looking back over these first three years of my business, of my work with women to guide them to let go of stories that don’t fit, to deeply connect with their bodies and spirit, I see how I have held back. There were so many stories centered around fear and shoulds and scarcity. And what I have come to deeply realize over the last few weeks, and truly these are revelations born over the last month, is that those stories are bullshit.

Giving to others does not mean less for me. In fact, it means more: more creativity, more play and more curiosity.

Giving of myself does not mean less for me. In fact, it means more: stronger connections, deeper relationships, greater expansion of loving-kindness.

Being seen does not mean being ridiculed (well, not always and when it does that is no reason to hide; in fact it’s all the more reason to be seen, to guide others to break through their own fear, to model what it is to be vulnerable and authentic and do the work we are meant to do).

Being true to who I am and how I want to be in the world does not make me selfish or self-centered. In fact it means being more authentic, transparent, honest and real.

I’ve been looking ahead to 2016 and who I want to be and what I want to do. The words expand and expansion have found me and will be guiding me through the turn of the year. They will guide me until a new word comes to find me. They will join the words that have found me in years past: connect, release, soften.

I’m stepping further into my vulnerability by being seen more: on Periscope, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. I am allowing the truth of who I am to be and releasing any shame I’ve had around it in years past. I am deeply committed to connecting more with my circles and my work. I am committed both to offering my work as a gift and allowing my work to financially support me. I’m shifting further into my being, into this next iteration of my becoming.

And so I don’t know how this blog will play a role. I hope to write and connect here once a week, because I do love this forum of writing out my thoughts. And I also want to focus on expanding what I do in this world and who I connect with. I want those connections to be deeper and more of a dialogue than a monologue.

Because that is what is truly important to me: building community  and connections while guiding others to deeper understanding of and connection to their own Self which in turns leads me to a deeper understanding of my own Self, which then allows me to guide others deeper and so the snowball grows.

As we approach Thanksgiving here in the States, I am reflecting on all I am grateful for: my home, my family—nuclear, extended and chosen; my clients who allow me to hold space for them as they process their grief and family transitions; and the women who allow me to guide them into deeper knowing of themselves. I am deeply grateful for community in all its forms as I look forward to expanding connections in the months and years to come.

As part of my expansion and searching for ways to connect more, I am offering a free webinar on Tuesday, November 24, where we will discuss self-care, self-love and how to move past the stories that stop us from getting them. You can register to join us here.

Sacred Self will begin in a little over a week and currently has a 36% discount for those who sign up with a friend. You can learn more about this three-week online retreat here.

I look forward to connecting with you as 2015 comes to a close and 2016 is born. May we all enjoy connection, release, softness and expansion in the year to come.

A portion of my intuitive collage board for 2016. I knew it was time to focus on connection and community before I fully knew it was time. ;)
A portion of my intuitive collage board for 2016. I knew it was time to focus on connection and community before I fully knew it was time. 😉