So here’s a thing:: I’ve been thinking a LOT about the word “unleashed.” It popped into my body and mind the other day and it won’t leave. It’s sunk it’s teeth into me and I’m allowing it and all it means swirl around in me as I try to understand its meaning and importance in my life and work, right now. The idea of needing to be unleashed is pretty huge. If we need to be unleashed, that means something is on a leash in the first place. Tied up, bound, pushed down, tamed. Silenced, domesticated, probably ignored. Not respected, not honored and not allowed in its natural state. Generally speaking by someone else, though often we comply and put our own leashes on. The thought that I, or you, or anyone, needs to be unleashed makes me ill. This is oppression at it’s height of power. To wear a leash, literally or figuratively, is giving, willingly or not, our sense of self and autonomy away. I believe Shame has everything to do with this metaphorical and sometimes literal leash. I believe this leash, while outwardly looks like connection to another, is truly all about disconnection. Disconnection from our experience, our truth, our voice. Disconnection from our self and who we are. This leash is about obedience. Being docile. Being controlled. Writing about this symbolic and very real leash is literally making my throat feel tight, as if I am wearing a collar. It is interesting to observe, to notice, how my body reacts to words and ideas and to know that it has taken years of my own work, sometimes with therapists, sometimes coaches, sometimes on my own, to remove layers of my collars and to claw that leash to threads. Here’s what I know:: It is not easy or glamorous work to become unleashed. What we are tying down and burying and trying to pretend doesn’t exist isn’t pretty. There’s rage in there. And grief. And some more rage. And probably more rage still. We are trained that rage/anger/fury are bad. That being unleashed equates to being out of control and dangerous. To this training I say FUCK YOU. I am not a pet. I am not something to be put on display for someone else’s consumption or amusement. I am not here to be controlled by someone else’s rules or choices or expectations. I am me. Mine. You are you. Yours. We don’t need to wear these collars and leashes any more. Let’s tear them off. xoxo ( I’m going to be writing more about this word in my weekly love letter. If you’d like to read it, and I would be honored if you do, you can subscribe to it right here: http://gwynnraimondi.com/newsletter ) |
The process of becoming unleashed
This word, unleashed, has truly sunk itself into me. I’ve been allowing it to swirl around within me as I feel it out and explore what it means, to me and to the rest of the world.
When I started searching out in the world wide web about the concept of women and becoming unleashed, I found a lot about the importance of becoming unleashed. How we need to do it. How we need to break free, live our life for ourselves, live by our own rules.
I agree with this sentiment whole-heartedly.
However, there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot out there to actually help with processing those early feelings of what it is to become unleashed. You know, the fear, the shame, all those stories about how you are too much and not enough.
There seems to be this sentiment that once you decide you want to be “unleashed” (as in, once you see the error of your ways), then, just like that, you can do different. You can choose different.
(The word choice is thrown out there a lot. I have a lot of issues with this word and what it means and the reality of living in a white supremacist patriarchal rape culture and how some people do actually have “choice” but others most certainly do not, at least not if they want to survive. That is a post for another day however).
Here’s a thing though: These stories of our culture, the stories of how we are too much, how we are not enough, how we don’t matter, how we are broken and need to “fixed,” they run deep. And becoming aware of them is only the first step in being able to do and be different. An important step, yes, and yet only the first of many.
Becoming self aware is a process. Shifting into different ways of being and doing takes time and mindful and intentional effort.
As we become more aware of the stories that run through us, how we have bought into them and how we have perpetuated them, a lot of reactions get stirred up.
Anger.
Grief.
Frustration.
Sadness.
Some more anger.
And while we now know different, now we see the stories and how they impact us; while we want to choose and live differently; there is a lot of unraveling and processing that needs to happen.
There doesn’t seem to be a lot of space given to this processing.
It seems the idea is once you know a thing, you immediately can do a different thing.
And while this may be true in some ways, there are layers and layers and layers to these stories and things.
We need to make space for all the emotions that start to bubble up and boil over.
We need to be allowed to feel them, to look at them, to sort through them.
To process them.
To understand them. Their impact.
How the stuffing and not feeling has truly harmed us.
To heal those wounds too.
These stories run deep. They can’t be healed in the snap of a finger or because we just made the decision to do so.
It takes time.
Sometimes years. Decades. The whole rest of your life.
I don’t promise “results” in any of my work. For one, I’m not “results” oriented as I believe if we focus on the “results” of connecting to our body and spirit and mind in the here and now, it in many ways defeats the purpose and actually increases our anxiety and feelings of shame, not being enough and being too much. Because “results” are in the future and “results” indicate that you aren’t just fine as you are right now.
I do promise a safe space to process these stories. To unearth them and unpack them. To talk about them. To explore all the ways they impact you. A space to feel and sort through all the rage and grief that gets stirred up as you unpack it all. A space to move at your pace, forward and back and sideways and diagonally and up and down, as you need, for your process. A space for you to be accepted, just as you are, with no expectations or plans for you to be “better” or to “fix” you. A space for you to be, to process, to connect to you, your body, your own innate knowing.
This work is not a straight line where you start here and if you x, y and z you will end over here.
It is a windy, twisty path. It is not prescribed and the steps each person takes are unique. And often it feels and looks and is a lot like one step forward, ten steps back.
I’m here to tell you, this is okay.
Becoming “unleashed” isn’t a simple thing of “Now you know different, you can now do different.” It is about seeing different and knowing there are other possibilities and ways of being. It is about seeing our cultural lies for what they are. It is about learning, slowly and quickly, how to trust our Self again.
And about exploring and allowing and processing all the rage and grief and every other emotion that comes along with all the learning and unlearning.
I am here to guide you and support you in your unleashing, if you like. In your own path back to your embodied knowing. Or if you need other resources, I will do my best to find those for you too.
Because your path to becoming and being unleashed is yours. To be taken in your time. At your pace. With the people you want beside you. And all of this can change, as you need and want it to.
This is your life, your journey.
And I am here to support you, when and if you like.
xoxo
I am offering a free 7-day intensive circle in mid-July. We’ll be tapping into this idea of becoming unleashed, what it means to be leashed, the stories that tie us down. It won’t heal you. It won’t make all your stories of being too much or not enough magically disappear. It is an opportunity to meet other women who want to explore their own stories of being leashed and becoming unleashed. It is an opportunity to get a taste of what it can be like to work with me. It is an opportunity to explore different ways of connecting to you and your stories. If you’d like to learn more and register, you can click right here. xoxo
Cultural Training
In the Exploring Our Shadows circle we are beginning to dig into our stories of Too Much. How we are too loud, too quiet, too sexual, too prude, too feminine, too masculine, too neat, too messy, too fat, too thin…. you get the picture. These stories run deep, they course through us in our blood and settle down in our marrow. They are stories we’ve heard from our family, our mentors, our “authority figures,” our culture.
We grow up in these stories. They come at us from every side. They are part of our training in how to be in this world. They teach us to never be happy with who we are, to always be striving, that we aren’t lovable or worthy of respect or deserving of anything.
These stories teach us to be quiet. To not argue. To sit down and shut up.
These stories teach us that our emotions and perspectives aren’t valid. Our experiences aren’t real. Our innate knowing is false.
So we learn, from a very young age, to not speak out. To never show our anger or sadness. To follow the rules, at all costs, even when those rules seems to change from moment to moment and be different for other people.
We obey. We do our best to fit in. To comply. And then, just when we think we’re doing it “right” we’re told we’re all wrong.
This culture we live in gaslights us. It tells we we’re “crazy.” That what we saw with our own eyes, experienced with our own body, never happened. Or maybe it did, but not at all like we think.
This culture we live in trains us that expressing our emotions is dangerous. And that we need to remain calm and “rational” at all times and all costs.
And that cost is our Self. Our autonomy. Our Truth.
This leash that is put on us all, starting a very young age, is very real. It may or may not be a literal, physical leash, and still our body, mind and spirit react as if it were. Our throats close. Our stomachs churn. Our heads and chests ache.
And still we continue to stuff. To ignore. To try to follow the every changing rules.
Until we don’t.
Until we realize that this trying to fit in, that this following the rules, that this buying into these stories isn’t actually working for us. We get glimmers of how these stories we are told over and over aren’t actually true. Little by little we start to listen to our guts and try honoring it.
And sometimes we simply know that we want to do different and yet we don’t yet know how.
So.
We seek our people. We find our sisters and brothers, our tribe. We look to those people who speak their truth and by doing so give us permission to speak ours.
We begin to breath. To connect to our actual breath. We begin to listen to our body. To our own knowing. And little by little, we do things a little different. Sometimes in leaps and bounds and sometimes in the tiniest of steps, we begin to trust our Self, to love our Self, to know and believe in our core that these stories are a bunch of bullshit.
And sometimes we need help with this. Because unraveling all these stories is hard and confusing at best. We need our community to support us and sometimes we need a guide to help us along our way.
This is why I do this work. To shine light on the lies we’ve all been told over and over about our worth, our value, our truth.
My work doesn’t stop there though. Shining the light is great an all. Becoming aware is a fabulous thing. And a lot of shit gets stirred up in the process and can leave you feeling lost, alone, confused, angry, sad.
The rage will bubble up.
And the grief.
And because we are trained at an early age that rage and grief are bad, we never learn how to feel them, how to process them, how to allow them.
This is where the real work is. This is where I stand beside you and hold you up when you need and give you space and tools to sort this all out, for yourself, in your own time, and space. To support you in your unique journey of unraveling and unleashing.
Unraveling and unlearning all our cultural training is no easy feat. It is not glamorous or fun. It is messy and dirty. There will be times you don’t want to unlearn anymore and times you wished you’d never unlearned anything in the first place. And still, you will know, there is no going back and truly, even if you could, you wouldn’t.
And through it all, I will be here with you.
xoxo
…
I offer many different ways for us to connect and for me to be a part of your own journey of unraveling and unleashing and unlearning all your unique cultural training and reconnecting to your body, your wisdom and your truth. Every week I send out a love letter, which contains an essay from me, a guided meditation, links to my newest blog posts and circles, as well as links to other women who I find inspiring. You can subscribe to it right here. I also offer 1:1 packages and you can learn more about them right here (and know, I’m always open to creating a unique package that fits your specific needs). In July I will be offering a one week free intensive circle, you can learn about and register for it here. And in September the Wild Woman Wisdom circle will begin to gather and embark on our 12-month epic quest. More details on that to come by July 1. And of course you can find me on Facebook here and here and Instagram. Sending you love and I hope to connect with you soon.
So here’s a thing… mother’s day edition
Here’s a thing :: All those “inspirational” and “heartfelt” Mother’s Day ads you are seeing are selling a lie of what our patriarchal culture says motherhood (and by extension womanhood) “should” look like. They are meant to feed our shame. They are meant to keep us isolated and feeling like we are failing. They are meant to keep us quiet and feeding our own shame.
Here’s what I say to those ads :: Fuck you.
Motherhood is messy and hard. It is heartbreaking and heartlifting. It is a total mixed bag of all the emotions and all the chaos.
AND motherhood does NOT equal womanhood. Some women are mothers and some are not and being a mother doesn’t make you any more or less a woman than not being one.
So … let’s quit feeding the Shame Beast and the status quo. Let’s step into our Light and our Power and our Confidence and our Being. Let’s not allow our culture to shame us into being small and quiet any more.
xoxo
Narrative threads – a quick note
We each have our own stories of worth and value and long lists of shoulds and have-tos. We all have been hurt deeply, experienced debilitating losses, and had moments or days or months when we simply no longer want to go on. The details, the specifics, of each of our stories, our experiences are different, and yet the themes are universal and shared.
We are each connected by our stories, and in sharing our stories, in looking at them, exploring them, questioning them, we begin to transform them, to change the story for our Self and for the next generation. When we share our stories we find our people, our tribe. We learn we are not alone. Not by a long shot. And as we each share a bit more of our story, a bit more of who we are, how we think, what we are made of we encourage others to do the same, we remind others they are not alone. We find ourselves, our Selfs, interconnected, a web of experience and feeling and being and becoming. Yes, look at your stories, know them. And share them so others can know you. xoxo
Want to read more? Subscribe to my weekly love letter. xoxo
- « Previous Page
- 1
- …
- 36
- 37
- 38
- 39
- 40
- …
- 60
- Next Page »